Slap my butt and call me a monkey

There's an old saying about give a monkey long enough at the keyboard and he'll eventually produce Shakespeare. While I have my doubts concerning the literary prowess of bored primates, I am with absolute certainty that no amount of time will be enough for them to figure out how to change the default width of my blog feed. If I haven't been able to decipher the riddle in four days, how is Bobo or Pankum gonna pull it off?

In my defense I'm no Luddite, no aging grandparent who eagerly provides bank account numbers to Nigerian princes or shoulder pad clad '80s lady who longs for the days of pencil and paper. I love technology like a fat kid loves cake (and being a fat kid I can assure you we do love cake). I used to design websites ffs, and not tragic eyesores either, and yet I seem utterly incapable of reducing the feed width from 980 to 749. It's enough to make me weep, and I haven't done that since I learned cauliflower was the new pasta.

I blame it on the WYSIWYG editors that seem to be the blogging service provider's version of a helicopter mom."Let me in the HTML," I plead. "I can fix the code in two seconds." Instead it waggles it's finger at me, a benevolent smile across it's pixelated face that says I am much too incompetent to be allowed anywhere near the bones of my blog. The only help I am offered is the equivalent of a customer service snipe hunt called the "Community Forum", where I can sift through thousands of questions just like mine, all of which go unanswered, just like mine.

The PC version of the blog looks pretty good for this stage in the game, but the mobile site, i yi yi! On my Galaxy 10 it's just a narrow strip down the center of the screen, and given everyone under 60 uses their smart phones for nearly all their net needs this is problem. Whereas the PC feed refuses to shrink, the mobile layout refuses to expand. It's enough to make a girl drink cheap wine by the case... if she didn't already.

Fortunately I have less readers than there are chimps writing the sequel to Midnight Summer's Dream, so there are few to witness the hot mess this thing is turning into, but I have grand dreams to one day actually have followers again and when that glorious day arrives, it'd be nice if my blog looked like an adult designed it, instead of a drunk orangutan.